Sex Life after Marriage

[raftime68]

I feel very sorry for u. But y not u ask him, wat the problem. Is it bec u pregnant that he don want to touch u ?. Must have reason that he behave this way.

Is better to open up and ask him. If u really love him so much. That my advice to u.

[G42.85]

is his sex drive super-turbo low??

[Frankiestine]

Well sis its time you ask yourselves this, are you willing to commit yourselves to a life of celibacy from this point on? If your answer is no then you should know what you need to do next.

[cockenadan]

Originally Posted by Fade

Dear all..
I am so glad and always find solace in this thread by reading all the replies that fellow samsters has for me. I read all replies word by word, over and over again whenever i am feeling down. Trying to cheer myself up all this while and focus on my work and child etc.. But end of the day, when i think about my marriage - i am such a total failure.

Deep inside my heart, i really feel this marriage is a sad case. How i wish he can tell me, sorry i am having an affair / i am actually gay- so that at least i know what's wrong instead of carrying on so meaninglessly.
These days if i talk to him about how i feel about our whole marraige, he will say i am nagging and love to complain, or he will just keep quiet and insisted that whatever i say is right and i win. I have learn to shut up totally and given up hope on him. Unless he say something to me, otherwise, we can dun speak for the whole day. This has been going on for weeks.

Sorry guys, i am just ranting as usual.. just think i am such a loser and failure in my hopeless marriage.

Hi sis fade, did you try masturbating yourself in front of him? maybe he will be aroused to bang you there and then.

[sammyboy_forum]

I strongly encourage you read up "Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus". It will give you some insights to why men withdraw and keep to themselves.

[raftime68]

As a guy i go through normal and c session and even i see my own eye how u ladies go through. To me as husband i respect woman, bec how much u all women go through pain to deliver and the baby for nine month. So your husband should know how much u go through, as a man he should take full responsibility and be happy to have a wonderful wife that provide u baby.

My conclusion will be try to talk about and ask wat is the problem. U should ask him do he love u, that the main thing u should hear from him.

I myself have 6 kids and i still love my wife and respect her wat she went through with pains and carry the baby from her womb for nine months.

[sanlee]

Originally Posted by Fade

Yo Guys, I do hav a very ugly scar on my tummy due to C sect and during pregnancy, i had an operation for Cysts removal. My scar is deep red and its about 15cm long. I find it a turn off myself. I dun even dare look at it directly. Regarding stretched marks left from pregnancy, i am proud to say, i have none.

Days ago, i was discussing ith him on how many kids he wants. I was convinced he will say One is enough but to my surprised he says 2.. and i looked at him with unbelievable eyes. He think babies will drop from the sky without us doing anything??

Then what he replied ?

[BiRd13]

Originally Posted by Frankiestine

Well sis its time you ask yourselves this, are you willing to commit yourselves to a life of celibacy from this point on? If your answer is no then you should know what you need to do next.

Agreed...

TS,
Sounds like he's giving up hope on this marriage and just waiting for something to happen, so that he can say the 'divorce' word... There might be something he's clinging on to now (perhaps kids or what) that he just keep quiet... Communication is still a key towards a relationship, especially marriage life. Once there's no communication in between, its like a plant without water =X It won't be able to grow....

[sweetcherry]

Dear Sis Fade,

I feel so heartbroken for you when I read abt ur plight.

Just to share with u, I had a caesarean for my son's birth.
Hubby was afraid that I would feel pain on the scar (doc told him it takes at least 6 mths to heal outside, inside may be longer), he actually rely didn't ask me to ml for 6 mths. If he had the need, he wld DIY himself and most of the time w/o me knowing cos he was afraid that I wld feel bad and not fulfilling wife's duty. He keeps himself occupied by playing games on his game console.

Our sexual life resumed and got even better in recent years but sometimes he can be so tired/stressed at work that he doesn't feel like ml. Or he gets so engrossed in his games that he forgets that I'm waiting for him to ml. And when he remembers, he ask me go slp first cos he's afraid that I'm tired from waiting and he ain't finishing his games yet.

So, could ur hubby still think that the scar may hurt from the inside? Cos according to my gynae, scars inside is slower to heal due to thicker flesh. Ur hubby may be afraid to tear open the wound so he's not touching you.

However, sad to say, I think there is a high possibility that he doesn't love you and just holding on to marriage maybe becos of his upbringing (parents say must be responsible to what you do) or the baby.

In my opinion, try talking him again and let him know exactly how you feel just like what you posted here in the thread. Ask him if he really loves you or just simply being responsible.

If he says he loves you, then tell him to attend counseling with you to work on the marriage.

If he's just being responsible, if you financially capable to bring up the child on ur own, then tell him that he can stop being responsible yet torturing you at the same time. Let him know this is going to hurt the child in future if it's just responsibility holding the marriage together becos in the end, it might still end up in divorce cos one or the other party will surely be too frustrated to go on.
So, might as well stop while both are still young and get on with your own lives.

I'm not suggesting that divorce is a must or should do. But a marriage without love, it's very hard to go on as it tortures you mentally and still have to face him everyday. It's also unhealthy for the child as he/she can feel whether the parents have love for each other or not. And in time to come, the child will start to ask questions abt parents relationship.

Hope everything would go well for you.

If you need to speak out, I believe the bros and sis here are willing to listen to you.

Take care, if needed you can pm me.

[pgatour]

Seems too many jump to conclusion. I think it's better to speak fm experience rather than jump gun suggesting.

I personally been thru this stage as a husband. I witnessed the natural birth process twice. The first was pretty bloody tho I felt nothing however I realise I lost the sex drive ( similar to ur hubby situation - I think ) obviously yrs is c section so it doesn't really makes sense. Conversing back why I lost it despite of no fear factor of blood etc it took me 2 years to think until I gave up n went to see a physchiatrist.

I was told - it was something like " u thought u r brave, no fear or didn't felt any fear or phobia but in reality that 'guts' was purely driven by the brains to overcome that moment only " .

Long story short - a) overcome myself with few suggestion doctor gave for example try watch porn - yes got hard on but no fire b) do something interesting to distract ownself c) extreme - find accident scene n watch it bloodily - yes c) work excellent for me I did n I overcame becos I thought it's a diff pain.

The abv is all "designed " by dr individually it depends on his findings against the patient u need to be v frank with the physch otherwise it won't work.

Took me two years to overcome until I got 2 child .. This time I prepare myself secretly I see physch during her entire preg ..

A bit ex on the bill but I'm saving myself Wat to do !

He likely similar to my case it seems but only he knows or won't even know till he go find a specialist.


Worth a try as I never thought I wud recover thru that channel

[bossy_miaomiao]

Life is full of sorrowssssssss............

[Jabadabadoo]

Fade,

I really refrained from making hot love to my wife since she started w her pregnancy. Now, almost 4 years after the birth I still seldom make love to her.... must be around once every few months... :P (I shud get shot by some members in this thread.)

All this has nothing to do with watching give birth or communication or relationship. It's just a few quirks that is in me (maybe most men) so I would like to to tell you what I think as if I was telling to my wife.

First, with a one year old baby I would not so much have sex in the house as I think it is not respecting the new life. It's just me protecting the aura in the house. If you would like to make love I won't care about your scars but the flaggy tummy is something weird, or new, to me. But flip over and you are fine, it's just that we have to find a suitable time and place, and be in the mood. Yes I do watch porn, but not because the pornstars' bodies are hotter, but because I can't get into the lovemaking mood with this new responsibility of fatherhood. But if I was given a time and place to exercise my kinky desires, with your body, like what we used to, then I'd hump you inside out, but don't get all romantic lah... It's back to the baby and my fatherhood job after all this primordial activity.

Then... about our livelihood. I guess you must be aware I work more diligently and possibly aware that I must get into new opportunities wherever possible. Whether I want or not, this new baby is a 'hoki' to this new family, so work comes first. Every day and night I just want to have you support the thinking and actions that will make me do better tomorrow when I am out. If getting all squishy with me I'll feel weird. I'd rather you just kink me up. Get straight to the point. I need to release my load, but don' kiss-kiss so much during and after yah. Also don't show me how you masturbate, it's sick and not condusive to this new family's aura. You can get horny and get me horny but that is all that therr is to sex.

Now, our relationship. If I am still living with you then I still care about you. You think that that is not love, but you are wrong. Both our presence with this child is love enough already. I think I completed the romatic stage already so let's move on yah. It's the communication stage. We can't be a good father or mother to the kid if we don't act like a communicating couple. The kid is not going to see 'parents' if we don't talk, or understand each other between the lines. He's going to see 'strangers'.... So, don't even bring up any break up stuff. You can throw me on the couch and I'm just going to think what an immature person I married. So let in and apologize. Cry if you want to. Then make me cry, then I will hump you out in a fit of romantic anger and slap your ass for being bad.

All in all, be natural lah. Don't be immature and still get romantic. All I want is couch companionship when I watch tv at night. You don't need to suck my cock, that just shows me that you are horny, but doesn't light my bulb. What do I kink for? Can we do it now, while the baby is asleep? Are all our jobs done for the day?

Ok I'll switch on the porn and show u how the fat ass does it from behind. Can I dim the lights and try that with you?

[Sex4Love]

situation looks kind of stuck here
also seems to be some kind of communication breakdown
have you asked him if there are something that cause him to be unhappy with you?
best is to go for some counselling session

Make love more, don't make more enemies

[Pilot Preceda]

Originally Posted by Jabadabadoo

Fade,

I really refrained from making hot love to my wife since she started w her pregnancy. Now, almost 4 years after the birth I still seldom make love to her.... must be around once every few months... :P (I shud get shot by some members in this thread.)

All this has nothing to do with watching give birth or communication or relationship. It's just a few quirks that is in me (maybe most men) so I would like to to tell you what I think as if I was telling to my wife.

First, with a one year old baby I would not so much have sex in the house as I think it is not respecting the new life. It's just me protecting the aura in the house. If you would like to make love I won't care about your scars but the flaggy tummy is something weird, or new, to me. But flip over and you are fine, it's just that we have to find a suitable time and place, and be in the mood. Yes I do watch porn, but not because the pornstars' bodies are hotter, but because I can't get into the lovemaking mood with this new responsibility of fatherhood. But if I was given a time and place to exercise my kinky desires, with your body, like what we used to, then I'd hump you inside out, but don't get all romantic lah... It's back to the baby and my fatherhood job after all this primordial activity.

Then... about our livelihood. I guess you must be aware I work more diligently and possibly aware that I must get into new opportunities wherever possible. Whether I want or not, this new baby is a 'hoki' to this new family, so work comes first. Every day and night I just want to have you support the thinking and actions that will make me do better tomorrow when I am out. If getting all squishy with me I'll feel weird. I'd rather you just kink me up. Get straight to the point. I need to release my load, but don' kiss-kiss so much during and after yah. Also don't show me how you masturbate, it's sick and not condusive to this new family's aura. You can get horny and get me horny but that is all that therr is to sex.

Now, our relationship. If I am still living with you then I still care about you. You think that that is not love, but you are wrong. Both our presence with this child is love enough already. I think I completed the romatic stage already so let's move on yah. It's the communication stage. We can't be a good father or mother to the kid if we don't act like a communicating couple. The kid is not going to see 'parents' if we don't talk, or understand each other between the lines. He's going to see 'strangers'.... So, don't even bring up any break up stuff. You can throw me on the couch and I'm just going to think what an immature person I married. So let in and apologize. Cry if you want to. Then make me cry, then I will hump you out in a fit of romantic anger and slap your ass for being bad.

All in all, be natural lah. Don't be immature and still get romantic. All I want is couch companionship when I watch tv at night. You don't need to suck my cock, that just shows me that you are horny, but doesn't light my bulb. What do I kink for? Can we do it now, while the baby is asleep? Are all our jobs done for the day?

Ok I'll switch on the porn and show u how the fat ass does it from behind. Can I dim the lights and try that with you?

very well written...
applause...

[bastardball]

Originally Posted by Fade

...Correct me if i am wrong. I am assuming.

....Sometimes if I happened to passby the com and saw him watching porn, i will purposely stop by and ask, "

.....When i perform BJ for my hubby, he had no problem with getting a hard on, but seems like he is not producing much semen as well.

You are right, dun worry. Dun assume, here's the truth...

1. He still have his sex drive, that is why he is still watching porn.

2. He must be releasing it somewhere, trust me it is not just masturbating.

3. The fact that he can get a hard on easily, there is nothing physically wrong with him. But given his semen is low, he must have released it somewhere.

4. He is no longer sexually attracted to you....that explains his lack of sexual emotions towards you despite your efforts to seduce him.


Based on the above, it quite likely your hubby is screwing behind your back. Whether you like it or not, you got to learn how to accept it. Face it, there are lots of married men here in this forum, and many of us are still fucking around. We don't have a partner like you who still make the initiative to have sex or seduce us, unfortunately some of us here are here to find an alternative solution to our needs.

What can you do? Honestly, you can choose to hook up with anyone of us here and I can assure you we will make you feel like a women again. However, do take note that we are mostly here for sex and not aiming to be in a relationship. If you are fine with that, proceed, if not continue with your life and dun expect anything from ur hubby, just focus your love on your child.

Be strong and best of luck.