Met someone online but I'm married

[evildolly]

Hi threadstarter,

From what you mentioned, you are such a wonderful husband. If there are more husbands like you around, how nice will it be!

Is it possible to have a talk with your wife? Sometimes human beings don't see how horrible they become after years of being with someone.

Also forget Belle. Its just a brief emotional connection you felt with her. You still have a kid to take care of. For the sake of your child, make your marriage work!

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by redhun

Can totally feel for u! Whn ur marriage ucks, makes you even more vulnerable.

Thanks sis. Ur 10 years is even more miserable than my one, two months. I respect u for that.

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by bonkning

misery loves company...

it feels good to know dat i am not alone getting all these shit ...
your wife sounds like my wife's twin...

difference is i have no kids...and i think mine is a little tiny tweeny bit better.
sorry this is no consolation for u ...but basically we are in the same shithole...helpless...

Haha indeed bro, misery loves company. Don't be sorry, I just wanna voice out my pain I don't expect much consolation im pretty resigned to my fate. Latest quote from my mum in law: "你上辈子一定是欠了他很多。"

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by nuclearkid

Relapse, huh? Write Belle off... and if you really think you would like someone to talk to, start writing around. Do put in some effort with you do so. I have a friend who asks why people don't reply? Obviously when he writes with such obvious indications that he is penning from his loins, how many girls would actually reply? Be sincere when chatting, you will find Belle's replacement soon enough.

Write Belle off...Paiseh, said it twice but you are mind fucked.

Ah bro nuclearkid, indeed I am mindfucked. This relapse isn't exactly a relapse. She has always been on my mind. Don't even know how I survived the past weeks. On one hand I'm handling my wife's sloth. On the other I'm debating whether to text belle again and try my luck.

I have spoken to some people online after this episode. I guess I'm in this rut cos I'm not looking to replace her. Normally I don't get this attached to online chatters. So i guess she really is someone special to me (of cos, it's my own POV, she probably has already buried my name away). So no, I'm not chatting online anymore.

Thanks for the honest advice bro. Would up your points if I could. Really appreciate it.

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by hotstuffm8

Well at least it goes to show she is not a homewrecker type. Nuclearkid is right - write Belle off - she knows what she wants and its not you. Don't waste your emotions on someone who will not reciprocate them.

Anyway, I applaud you for trying to hang onto a failed marriage for your kid. Hope everything works out for you. Wishing you all the best in your endeavors

She's not. And yes she knows exactly what she wants and it's definitely not me. It's this streak of individualism in her that attracted me initially. As a friend once told me, I care too much. Perhaps that's why I tend to put too much emotions into things.

Thank you for your kind words and I wish you the same.

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by evildolly

Hi threadstarter,

From what you mentioned, you are such a wonderful husband. If there are more husbands like you around, how nice will it be!

Is it possible to have a talk with your wife? Sometimes human beings don't see how horrible they become after years of being with someone.

Also forget Belle. Its just a brief emotional connection you felt with her. You still have a kid to take care of. For the sake of your child, make your marriage work!

Hi sis haha thanks for the compliments. I am trying my best to fulfill my responsibilities but I guess I'm just human and I couldn't control my feelings for *gasp* someone online. Lol. Guess I ain't that nice a hubby lah.

I am trying my best to put her deep in the abyss of my mind. But really, I sometimes read the entire 6 weeks of conversation with her and can't help but feel a lil warm and fuzzy inside. Pardon my indulgence here. What I experienced with belle, I don't experience anymore with my wife (up to now at least).

Yes for my kid I'll do anything. When push comes to shove, for his happiness his old man has to sacrifice his own. Thanks for the advice sis evildolly. Really appreciate it.

[epicureanp]

LeGarcon,

Pardon me if someone has already said this...

Brief relationships come and go especially in this day of social media. For the sake of your sanity and to stop yourself from going crazy thinking too much, I would suggest you move on and not think too much about Belle. Concentrate on your role as a father if you really like kids. Talk to your wife too... I'm sure she has redemning factors.

Look on the bright side.... your reward with doing all the feeds and diaper change is that your kid will be dam tight with you. Enjoy that.

-J

[evildolly]

Originally Posted by LeGarcon

Hi sis haha thanks for the compliments. I am trying my best to fulfill my responsibilities but I guess I'm just human and I couldn't control my feelings for *gasp* someone online. Lol. Guess I ain't that nice a hubby lah.

I am trying my best to put her deep in the abyss of my mind. But really, I sometimes read the entire 6 weeks of conversation with her and can't help but feel a lil warm and fuzzy inside. Pardon my indulgence here. What I experienced with belle, I don't experience anymore with my wife (up to now at least).

Yes for my kid I'll do anything. When push comes to shove, for his happiness his old man has to sacrifice his own. Thanks for the advice sis evildolly. Really appreciate it.

Then you should make yourself busy so that you do not have time to think about her.

Actually, you cannot sacrifice your happiness for the sake of your child. You would not want your kid to grow up in a family where they see parents having frequent cold wars / fights. The child will not be happy. Thats why I said you have to make your marriage work. Some suggestions could be:

1. Have a heart to heart talk with your wife
2. Have one to one dates with your wife.
3. Lastly, stop giving in to your wife. She has to learn to be reasonable. Never mind if she kicks up a huge fuss but stay firm. (not sure if it will work though)

All the best!

[JuzNiceM]

I'll be a bastard for once.

I've noticed the style you write. I can say most girls will be attracted to your honesty.

Since you cannot forget Belle. Write it out. Write out your everyday thoughts since you cut it off with her that day/night.

Compose it carefully and mail to to her. You can't let it go, you'll never be free. But you must promise me, once you let go, never look back. This is the rule of the game.

The idea is to release your emotions about her. Fcuk it if she bothers or not. Not important. Important is you said how you feel, be happy about it and go.

Life should be without regrets, and get back to your duty being a husband and father.

Good luck and will pray for you bro!

[LeGarcon]

Originally Posted by epicureanp

LeGarcon,

Pardon me if someone has already said this...

Brief relationships come and go especially in this day of social media. For the sake of your sanity and to stop yourself from going crazy thinking too much, I would suggest you move on and not think too much about Belle. Concentrate on your role as a father if you really like kids. Talk to your wife too... I'm sure she has redemning factors.

Look on the bright side.... your reward with doing all the feeds and diaper change is that your kid will be dam tight with you. Enjoy that.

-J

That is sound advice bro epicurean. Yes upon reflection I haven't been the greatest husband. Yes I'm nice to her but I have turned into a boring uncle now, I guess due to work stress and the chores of taking care of a little human being. Sigh.

Yes I love kids really. But nowadays I'm getting very ill-tempered because of my work n THIS ISSUE. I really need to settle my emotional baggage. Bros here are right, belle is only someone who crossed paths with me briefly. I shouldn't let it manifest into a big problem that affects the well being of my family. She could be the right person at the most bloody wrong time.

Again I thank u bro epicurean. I'm actually very surprised at the level of compassion and empathy I get here. This proves that men here aren't just here for sex related activities. We are capable of support!

Originally Posted by evildolly

Then you should make yourself busy so that you do not have time to think about her.

Actually, you cannot sacrifice your happiness for the sake of your child. You would not want your kid to grow up in a family where they see parents having frequent cold wars / fights. The child will not be happy. Thats why I said you have to make your marriage work. Some suggestions could be:

1. Have a heart to heart talk with your wife
2. Have one to one dates with your wife.
3. Lastly, stop giving in to your wife. She has to learn to be reasonable. Never mind if she kicks up a huge fuss but stay firm. (not sure if it will work though)

All the best!

I see where u come from sister. That is a very valid point that I missed. My childhood was relatively unhappy. I guess I really have to reconcile with my wife to let my son be happy too. Lucky u brought this up.

I'm now trying to show her more attention, and i am more firm in my actions. No more letting her shit on my head now. Need to tame the shrew and turn her into a nice caring wife. Not quite there yet but I'm beginning to see a little improvement. thanks again sis evildolly

Originally Posted by JuzNiceM

I'll be a bastard for once.

I've noticed the style you write. I can say most girls will be attracted to your honesty.

Since you cannot forget Belle. Write it out. Write out your everyday thoughts since you cut it off with her that day/night.

Compose it carefully and mail to to her. You can't let it go, you'll never be free. But you must promise me, once you let go, never look back. This is the rule of the game.

The idea is to release your emotions about her. Fcuk it if she bothers or not. Not important. Important is you said how you feel, be happy about it and go.

Life should be without regrets, and get back to your duty being a husband and father.

Good luck and will pray for you bro!

Ahhh bro, I have beat u to the idea of writing down my feelings. I set up a blog penning down my thoughts. Not everyday but it's like an open letter to her, IF she can find it, if she bothers to google her name and mine. Haha it's a long shot but if she does find it i confirm plus guarantee plus chop buy toto that week.

And just in case anyone's interested, no I cannot disclose the blog, cos it will definitely ID me and her. I hope bros could respect my need for privacy here.

JuzNiceM, u sound like a 过来人, I suppose u used this method to get over someone? I'm sure it helped u that's why u recommend it. Thanks very much for sharing. And yes I will concentrate on being a good dad and hubby. Thanks for praying for me n good luck in whatever you do too

[haojian]

Originally Posted by Likeucare

wow Gambit7. u r such a sweetheart if only all married guys use their f*king head to think before starting out on anything. the divorce rate would drastically drop le.

If only married women also do the same.

[Ladyrain]

Originally Posted by LeGarcon

That is sound advice bro epicurean. Yes upon reflection I haven't been the greatest husband. Yes I'm nice to her but I have turned into a boring uncle now, I guess due to work stress and the chores of taking care of a little human being. Sigh.

Yes I love kids really. But nowadays I'm getting very ill-tempered because of my work n THIS ISSUE. I really need to settle my emotional baggage.

I see where u come from sister. That is a very valid point that I missed. My childhood was relatively unhappy.

Ahhh bro, I have beat u to the idea of writing down my feelings. I set up a blog penning down my thoughts. Not everyday but it's like an open letter to her, IF she can find it, if she bothers to google her name and mine. Haha it's a long shot but if she does find it i confirm plus guarantee plus chop buy toto that week too

Right. . Maybe I should start doing the same thing.. Beats the agony of not being able to express ones thoughts and
feelings openly and freely. I really feel so bad now.. I feel punished for being completely honest and open. I'm never one to hide away with feelings regardless of any matters but I guess maybe I should refrain revealing too much just so the other party won't be affected.
I jinxed the innocent friendship I thought I've found. Never been treated this way before ever and so feel really upset. . he was a great distraction from whatever shit thoughts I had prior to knowing him. He was a great small pillar. He also reminded me of myself when I was at his age. He was like a combination of all that I've experienced minus those bad stuffs I've been through..
So yes, a blog should help as an avenue to channel whatever leftover feelings I have.

[Apocalypse]

Originally Posted by LeGarcon

Hi sis haha thanks for the compliments. I am trying my best to fulfill my responsibilities but I guess I'm just human and I couldn't control my feelings for *gasp* someone online. Lol. Guess I ain't that nice a hubby lah.

I am trying my best to put her deep in the abyss of my mind. But really, I sometimes read the entire 6 weeks of conversation with her and can't help but feel a lil warm and fuzzy inside. Pardon my indulgence here. What I experienced with belle, I don't experience anymore with my wife (up to now at least).

Yes for my kid I'll do anything. When push comes to shove, for his happiness his old man has to sacrifice his own. Thanks for the advice sis evildolly. Really appreciate it.

The thing is this. many man make excuses for themselves when they stray, but you have to understand this. If you love your wife, taking care of the kid does not become a chore. It is a joy because it a an empowerment. When you see it as a joyful thing to do, you plant a seed of joy in your heart. extend this to every area of your relationship with her, and you will not resent her for her attitude towards you. A good husband is not one that does everything for his wife. A good husband is one that loves her when it is hard to love her. cherish her together with her quirks and imperfections including her selfishness and laziness. Accept that she will get worse as she ages, as she goes through menopause etc etc. Who belle is is irrelevant, there will always be many distractions to the goal.

Your goal is your wife, and you are hunting for belle(s) because you feel the one at home has already been hunted and do not need to hunt anymore. Start seeing her as someone attractive, use whatever limited imagination to imagine her being sexy once more, how her boobs have become bigger with the pregnancy and if there are some distance, how do you chase her and woo her again as if u just met her at some pub or some orientation camp. You will fail, because she knows your weakness and your ugliness like nobody else (except maybe your ex gf) but don't give up because it fails but let it motivate u, to fine tune your methods and approach. keep trying and eventually u'll be too tired to notice other belle.

that of course is just imo how a hubby should be to sustain a marriage or any relationship.

[Klein76]

Originally Posted by LeGarcon

苦命 brothers we are. Lol. Got kid lagi worse can. Clean poop. Feed. Change. Prepare milk. Drive.

You are not alone bro,i had since get used to it and stay together because of the kid sake...

[Klein76]

Originally Posted by evildolly

Then you should make yourself busy so that you do not have time to think about her.

Actually, you cannot sacrifice your happiness for the sake of your child. You would not want your kid to grow up in a family where they see parents having frequent cold wars / fights. The child will not be happy. Thats why I said you have to make your marriage work. Some suggestions could be:

1. Have a heart to heart talk with your wife
2. Have one to one dates with your wife.
3. Lastly, stop giving in to your wife. She has to learn to be reasonable. Never mind if she kicks up a huge fuss but stay firm. (not sure if it will work though)

All the best!

I dont think the suggestion will work on this type of unreasonable partner as i had try it before......Do you have any more ideas?