Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

TOP 10 REASONS MEN DATE BIMBOS INSTEAD OF NICE GIRLS

10. Much easier to prove that you're superior.

9. Less likely to interrupt you with thoughts or opinions of their own.

8. Won't want you to cancel your plans to watch nude Jell-O wrestling to go see "Phantom of the Opera".

7. More impressed by the thickness of your wallet-even though it's stuffed with condoms instead of money.

6. Will let you send intimate pictures of them to Beaver Hunt.

5. They won't object to demeaning comments you make about them in front of 'the guys'.

4. They actually believe you when you say, "I love you for your mind and personality - now shut up and finish putting on that French maid outfit.

3. Don't understand computers well enough to access your files and read what you've been saying about them.

2. Their ability to comprehend spatial relationships is so poor that they really do believe that it's eight inches.

and the Number One Reason Men Date Bimbos Instead Of Nice Girls

1. They will put up with you.

[bigbirdbird]

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.

They are in Heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, 'Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?'

She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.' St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question; 'Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and stroked one.' St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls.. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, 'Reeva, What seems to be the rush?'

The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it!'

[bigbirdbird]

A trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road.

He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

[rawboy83]

Keep those jokes coming!!! Support this thread.

[Kryptonight]

Originally Posted by rawboy83

Keep those jokes coming!!! Support this thread.

Support too

[bigbirdbird]

TOP 10 REASONS WHY CYBER SEX IS BETTER

10. If the date goes bad, changing your Screen Name is easier then changing your real name.

9. Bathing, dressing, supplying atmosphere is optional.

8. If you get drunk and blackout, you only wake up next to a keyboard.

7. You can exercise your offensive habits without embarrassing yourself.

6. Viagra! Who needs Viagra?

5. Your partner could have more of a personality than your inflatable friends.

4. Three words: No shotgun weddings.

3. All guys look like George Clooney and all women like Pamela Anderson.

2. They never have to know you live in your parents basement.

1. If you catch a virus, only your computer dies.

[bigbirdbird]

Pete, a very proper man started going into the neighbourhood chemist every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms.

Week after week, he would come in with the same order.

One day, the pharamist, Jim felt he had to say something to Pete. "Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about
getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"

Pete looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"

So, Jim asked, "Then what do you do with all those condoms?"

Pete answered, "I feed them to my poodle. This way when she goes to the bathroom, she shits in little plastic baggies."

[bigbirdbird]

Top 10 reasons why Beer is better than Religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

[bigbirdbird]

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.

One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking arse."

Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away.

Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.

"That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more arse this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car."

[bigbirdbird]

Two college coeds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called me late one night after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."

What on earth did she want?" her friend asked.

"Oh... She just said, "I can't believe I have a person inside me !" I said, "So do I. Could I call ya back in an hour or so?"

[saigonjr]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Two college coeds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called me late one night after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."

What on earth did she want?" her friend asked.

"Oh... She just said, "I can't believe I have a person inside me !" I said, "So do I. Could I call ya back in an hour or so?"

Nice joke bro.

[Sayonara]

Nice sharing of jokes

[Cornway]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.

One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking arse."

Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away.

Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.

"That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more arse this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car."

Haha very good one bro

[GodOfHealth]

Excellent jokes!! Thanks

[FUNNYANDHORNY]

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