Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[arong]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?"

"A horsey," one child answers.

"And this?" the teacher asks.

"A piggy," replies another youngster.

"And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers.

There was no answer, only total silence.

"Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?"

"I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl. "It's a horny bastard!"

This is funny!!

[poolhot.]

Unfaithful

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"

[poolhot.]

Not Vulgarity But Knowledge??

In Ancient England, People Could Not Have Sex Without King's Permission.

To Have A Baby, They Were Supposed To Get King's Consent.

They Were Then Given A Card To Hang On Their Door While Having Sex,

Which Read As: "Fornication Under The Consent of King" (F.U.C.K.)

So The Word 'Fuck' Came In to Existence..!

Anybody knew about this ...? No ...

Spread This Fucking Knowledge!

[WhatsHappened]

Love the jokes keep them coming

[kautroy]

Nice sharing of jokes

[meijipcc]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The counter man in the Ice Cream shop saw a customer leaving the drug store across the way, heading for his shop.

The customer entered, set a small Thermos container on the counter and unwrapped a condom.

"Here, take this condom. Drop a scoop of ice cream in it."

The counter man did so, and handed the condom, with its ice cream content, to the customer.

The customer placed the arrangement in the Thermos jug, and capped the jug.

"What," asked the ice cream purveyor, "is the reason for that?"

"For three months, my wife has been bugging me for a deep freeze. Tonight, I'm going to give it to her."

lol, this joke damn good!!

[DevanHartono]

Originally Posted by poolhot.

Not Vulgarity But Knowledge??

In Ancient England, People Could Not Have Sex Without King's Permission.

To Have A Baby, They Were Supposed To Get King's Consent.

They Were Then Given A Card To Hang On Their Door While Having Sex,

Which Read As: "Fornication Under The Consent of King" (F.U.C.K.)

So The Word 'Fuck' Came In to Existence..!

Anybody knew about this ...? No ...

Spread This Fucking Knowledge!

Good share bro!

[poolhot.]

This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village.

Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.

After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion.

The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light.

His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her.

She's really pleased to have met this guy.

At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed.

He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp.

Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla.

Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance.

The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter.

Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion!

After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid.

Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.

The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can't properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect!

More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.

"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your tonic!"

She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid.

She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola.

Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed - only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team.

[PussyRacer]

Originally Posted by poolhot.

This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village.

Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.

After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion.

The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light.

His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her.

She's really pleased to have met this guy.

At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed.

He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp.

Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla.

Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance.

The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter.

Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion!

After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid.

Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.

The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can't properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect!

More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.

"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your tonic!"

She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid.

She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola.

Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed - only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team.

I enjoy this joke. Haha..

[poolhot.]

there was a little boy and his grandpa. they were on the lake fishing.

the grandpa pulls out a cigar and starts smoking. the little boy sees this and asks if he
can have one too. the grandpa replies "can your dik touch your butthole?" the
little boy replied no. so the grandpa said "too bad then you cant hav one"

next the grandpa pulls out a beer and starts drinking it. the little boy sees this and
asks if he can hav a beer. the grandpa asks him once more,"can your dik touch your
butthole?" again the boy says no. so the grandpa says "too bad your can't
hav one"

the little boy is frustrated so he pulls out a bag of cookies and starts eating them. the
grandpa sees the cookies and asks the little boy for one. the little boy then asks
"can YOUR dik touch your butthole?" the grandpa thinks...then says yes. the
little boys replys "then go fuck yourself"

[Swodame]

Originally Posted by poolhot.

there was a little boy and his grandpa. they were on the lake fishing.

the grandpa pulls out a cigar and starts smoking. the little boy sees this and asks if he
can have one too. the grandpa replies "can your dik touch your butthole?" the
little boy replied no. so the grandpa said "too bad then you cant hav one"

next the grandpa pulls out a beer and starts drinking it. the little boy sees this and
asks if he can hav a beer. the grandpa asks him once more,"can your dik touch your
butthole?" again the boy says no. so the grandpa says "too bad your can't
hav one"

the little boy is frustrated so he pulls out a bag of cookies and starts eating them. the
grandpa sees the cookies and asks the little boy for one. the little boy then asks
"can YOUR dik touch your butthole?" the grandpa thinks...then says yes. the
little boys replys "then go fuck yourself"

Nice one bro, thanks!!

[i^Xi0n]

Many thanks for sharing all the jokes bros, it's very nice.

[poolhot.]

Hell Fire Sex

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room." The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman. "I choose this room!" the man says. "Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder. "You can go now. I've found your replacement."

[poolhot.]

Little Johnny s next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnnys family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnnys parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home." "I promise not to mention his ears at all" said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the babys hand He looked at its mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good?" The Mother said "why, yes Johnny... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said "well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldnt wear glasses!!!

[DiuLeiLouMei]

This is funny