Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 851

BJstreet · #**12751** 01-04-2021, 09:28 AM

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Hurricane88 · #**12752** 02-04-2021, 05:18 AM

An Excellent moral ::

```A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom "
"OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit".
"She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife".
"She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops."
"She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"

```Cheers``` 🥃😝😝😝

Hurricane88 · #**12753** 02-04-2021, 05:20 AM

Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my late husbands, Dr Faartz and Major Dickie Head passed years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.
I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him

'Take me, young man. Take me now'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' APRIL FOOL!'

And that's when I shot him, the little bastard!

Hurricane88 · #**12754** 02-04-2021, 05:21 AM

HOSPITAL BILL

You don't hv to be Catholic to appreciate this one!

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to d floor.

The paramedics rushed d man to d nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital.

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?"

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in d bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?"
asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a *spinster* sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, " *Nuns are not spinsters*!
*Nuns are married to God*.."

The patient replied, "Perfect...
Send the bill to my *brother-in-law*."
😊😄😝

Hurricane88 · #**12755** 02-04-2021, 05:26 AM

SBMEDSUP · #**12756** 02-04-2021, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Nice Jokes. Thank you.

warbird · #**12757** 02-04-2021, 04:32 PM

Good afternoon to all samsters.

I like to tell a very old joke. I first heard it from an American doctor over 30 years ago.

From the Old Bull, Young Bull tale:

The old bull and the young bull were standing at the top of the hill overlooking a paddock of many gorgeous young heifers ( or SYTs!). The young bull said, "Let's charge down the hill, knock over that fence, and service one of those heifers each". The old bull wisely replied, "Why don't we saunter down the hill, open the gate, take a sip at the water trough and then service ALL of those heifers?"

The lesson to be learned here is that instead of being young, immature, and stupid, quickly ruining any shot you have at a female, you should play your game like a gentleman (yes, like a badass gentleman); slowly and with much thought. Only by this method will you have your best shot at getting paid (or laid).

Watch these videos too.

Yeah, don't fuck them all.

Be highly selective and only fuck the highest quality girls of your type.

Cheers!

Bro WB

risingphoenix · #**12758** 02-04-2021, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

This is so true on our tiny red dot, more and more crimes without being checked

Buibuicat · #**12759** 02-04-2021, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

An Excellent moral ::

```A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom "
"OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit".
"She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife".
"She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops."
"She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"

```Cheers``` 🥃😝😝😝

Hahahah Nise one ：
If she is pissed and drunk and with knife - stay far away Frm her
If she is drunk and tipsy- Wht u do is up to you lol ;p

saltwet · #**12760** 03-04-2021, 07:08 AM

It's true. Men can be victims to sexual harassment too.

I went to people park and parklane mall. The women there dress sexy and try to hold my hand into their room. They want to seduce me and touch my butt. I very scared and uncomfortable the women touching me. In the end I just walk away.

A true story. A joke.