My dark side ...

[PPGirl]

8 things that ppl with depression do
Hope ts is coping well..

[porscheclub]

TS. Stop indulging in self-pity! You are living in Singapore, have a job, can even afford to visit FL and fuck around the bushes. What more do you want?

There are a lot of people who are worse off than you.

Settle your problems like a man. Still have parents or siblings? Go visit them, hug them & buy them a meal to mend fences. You won't die without sex so kick the fucking habit & being in a relationship can bring more troubles if you don't know how to manage it. Go single & be merry.

[Xyberduke]

Originally Posted by omg3344

i decided to pen this down as i dont have anyone to confide in. I have small if not non existent social circle. My family is not the typical happy family u seen in tv. I am in no contact with my relatives because of my family issue.

Technically speaking i am a loner. Everyday was like routine ; wake up, go to work and back home. I am renting a room outside because of my family situation.

I am have been chionging health centre and fl scene since 10 years ago. Few year back i would frequent the HC on avg 4 times a month...to kill my lonliness. i dont have hobby and frens. So that might consider my leisure.

Over the years...i have been in and out of relationships few times. Things dont work out for many reasons. Everytime i thought i have found a girl who can accept me and my family situation ...it failed.

The last relationship i had was with a china girl. She married to a singaporean but marriage had problem hence moved out. I cohabit with her for few months. In order to file a divorce, she need to cancel her ltvp and return to china. After she returned to china, problems surfaced between both of us and we separated. It was an heart wrenching period for me. I sunk into depression. Actually i had depression all along. But this episode just aggravate my condition. I did seek help few years back but didnt persist with the treatment.

My work wasnt smooth either. I am with a hypocrite boss who find opportunity to put me down. He is notorious in the organization for being a nasty and difficult person to work with, having 6 deputies changed during his 12 year`s period there. I am his seventh and i am coming to 2.5 years here.

I went to a mental down spiral. I visited fl again. Over a few encounters i even did not wear protection. I was scared but the thrill and the mental state i am in prevent me from thinking rationally. I had unprotected sex with 3 china fl and 2 viet fl during these period. This is on top of the other protected encounter that i had. I was scared. I told myself i should have a grip of myself if not noone can help me. If u ask me ...dont i worried about getting diseased. I am. But i just couldnt explain why i did all these.

Just as i thought that i had enough, certain incident that happen in the workplace trigger my depression again. I searched wechat for fun. End up knowing a viet fl who was on holiday. We went to drink and hotel followed after. Initially i wore protection. But i cannot finish the job. Hence i did the foolish thing of rawing her.

To think i will stop...it didnt.. it seems all hell break loose. I raw a china fl after going to club last week. I dont know what i have become. I feel i am a disgrace to my mom who had brought me up painstakingly working as a factory worker for so many years.

I am really at a lost now...

Don't be lost. You are not a disgrace. A lot of men have made worst mistakes than you and have a worst life than you and can't even afford internet connection at home to watch porn to masturbate.

Look, a lot of people do not have a social circle. I only have a handful of friends (one handful to be exact). Am I happy? Yes I am. I cannot manage too much friends as well, and we meet once in a blue moon (once in a year or two years) just to catch up. That's it.

I had a lot of friends back then and went through daily clubbing days, neglected my love ones, stayed overnight in hotels screwing different gals, did raw on some occasion, regretted it, paid a heavy price... So? Life goes on.

What happened had happened, if you have regrets, now that you have done it wrong, you will never go wrong again... That's the positive part.



Lets go straight to the end. At your deathbed, only your family will stand beside....your friends? yes, some good friends will be there but so? Your family is what counts. Go to SDN, get to know some opposite sex that matches your profile, start a family. Your family background is not the worst, I have seen much worst in some of my ex-classmates and they are doing well today because they stayed strong.

[orangeproud]

I agree that being in a relationship may bring in more trouble if dun know or cannot cope it. TS should refrain from relationship during this period as his mental state now is very negative and depressive. To avoid mental or nervous break down if the relationship turns sour. Have a positive mind before enter another relationship.

[SEAJ]

Originally Posted by Xyberduke

....I only have a handful of friends (one handful to be exact). ....and we meet once in a blue moon (once in a year or two years) just to catch up. That's it.

I had a lot of friends back then and went through daily clubbing days, neglected my love ones, stayed overnight in hotels screwing different gals, did raw on some occasion, regretted it, paid a heavy price... So? Life goes on.

.... At your deathbed, only your family will stand beside......

Reading through your post, of others on this thread as well as many in this “matters of the heart section,” I get filled with melancholy that there are so many in this world so unhappy. Anecdotally, one of the things that I find quite disturbing is the lack of balance in handling emotion.

Apologize for using your post/experience as an example, but to go from a rabble rousing party goer and then into becoming practically a recluse? Yes, I applaud you for accepting your fate, but is this really your fate? You seem to have really enjoyed yourself when you were out partying and only some kind of life-altering incidence happened to have changed your life so drastically. Should there have been such a drastic change, especially if by nature you are a more boisterous type?

We all MUST learn from experience, sure, but it’s not only bad experience that counts. IMHO, one must also learn from good experiences! Fondly recall such great experiences, remember the “high” you felt, make this “high” your addiction of choice, analyze what led to you achieving such success, and go for that “high” again and again. And oh, of course you also need to recognize your failures to find that “just the correct balance” in your own life.

And let me remind you that although family IS AND SHOULD be one of the greatest source of happiness, it is too many times also the source of one's plight. BALANCE - between family and what you yourself need and want is what's important. IMHO a mistake if one use "family" as the only source of happiness for surely such a BURDEN on your family will result in disaster.

Nobody can/should dictate what that correct balance in your life is, only you yourself can determine such. But I would suggest that if you too many times find yourself with feelings of longing, sadness, regret etc., then you should take those feelings as your cue to find a BETTER BALANCE in your life. It’s never too late… especially when it’s YOUR happiness that is at stake.

Hope y’all don’t mind my reminder to NEVER accept second best for YOUR OWN LIFE.

SEAJ

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by Xyberduke

Lets go straight to the end. At your deathbed, only your family will stand beside....your friends? yes, some good friends will be there but so? Your family is what counts.

I know plenty of people whose families weren't at their deathbeds either.

They grudgingly showed up at the funeral and the reading of the will hoping that there was something in it for them.

[SEAJ]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

I know plenty of people whose families weren't at their deathbeds either.

They grudgingly showed up at the funeral and the reading of the will hoping that there was something in it for them.

YUP!
I've also seen this time and again.

Many times it's a direct result of the guy's thoughts that family is the ONLY great and noble source of all happiness.... which it is NOT!

ALL only for the family....they slave away all their life, spend ALL their free time with them, expecting to get happiness/relief from the outside world, get increasingly frustrated that his family don't care as much (Hey - play station for the kids, the latest fashion for the wifey - how can "family happiness" compare?! LOL), become morose and demanding etc etc.... and the downward spiral in his family AND himself has set off on a one way street!

SEAJ

[powerpuffboi]

Firstly TS, I applaud you for having the courage to express and pen down your thoughts. It is certainly reassuring that, even with the anonymity conferred by this forum, you are here to seek for help or advice. This is certainly a good first step.

I hope that you will seek the help you need and start anew. Do not for once even believe in the 'YOLO' mentality - The truth is that every positive experience makes you feel alive, while every negative one kills you a bit on the inside. Sure you've been dealt with a lousy hand in the initial stages in the game of life, but right now from now on you get to take back control. Start anew.

Let go of the past - it's done.
Don't worry about the future - It's not here yet.
Do what you can in the present - Right here, right now.

Many bros here have given very good advice on taking the first steps. Clear your health issues, get tested, solve any outstanding issues. Next, work on your career. Don't try and do everything at once, take small steps. Slowly the small steps will accumulate and your life will certainly change for the better.

All the best to you, and have faith in yourself.

PPB

[filip]

I've a bad family history too. Dad divorced twice, went jail etc.

But I used that history as a source motivation to strive to be a better person. I live with my (broken) family physically, but I still lead my own (successful) life which separates me away from them.

If a girl really loves me, she would stay by my side to work with me towards setting up a new and successful family regardless of my past history.

Go find new hobbies. Start getting active on forums that talks about those hobbies. As time goes by, you will expand your online social circle. Organise gatherings with your online friends and I won't be surprised you'll start to find lifelong buddies you can depend on.

[powerpuffboi]

Thanks for the inspirational story! It really does show that even if life gives you a bad hand of cards, how you play is entirely up to you..

I think everyone has the chance to create their own future. I wish you all the best!

PPB

Originally Posted by filip

I've a bad family history too. Dad divorced twice, went jail etc.

But I used that history as a source motivation to strive to be a better person. I live with my (broken) family physically, but I still lead my own (successful) life which separates me away from them.

If a girl really loves me, she would stay by my side to work with me towards setting up a new and successful family regardless of my past history.

Go find new hobbies. Start getting active on forums that talks about those hobbies. As time goes by, you will expand your online social circle. Organise gatherings with your online friends and I won't be surprised you'll start to find lifelong buddies you can depend on.

[anontraveller2]

TS,

Just to reiterate what others would have mentioned. Do seek professional help on your issues. While confiding in us is a start, I guess professional help is what you would need in battling your issues.

Good luck.

[Atta]

Sorry in advance to those who I may offend with the following words:

No man is a saint.

If you find your dark side to be a problem, just change/control yourself. You may not change the past, but at least you can control yourself.