Sex Life after Marriage
 

Hubby and I got married after I found out that i was preggy. Since then, we have never make love before. It has been more than a year since my hubby last touched me. I feel very sad, depressed and unwanted. Throughout my pregnancy, I always urged my hubby to make love but he turned me down many times and told me that we will do it again after I gave birth as he is afraid that he might hurt the baby. I just gave birth 3 months ago and sex life has not resumed.

I always cry whenever i think of the times when we will get naughty and drive out to secluded places for some quickie sessions, even in cinemas when hubby will get very touchy. Now, whenever he comes home, his first priority is playing with Baby and during bedtime, he will bring the PSP to bed and played till he fall asleep. I tried talking to hubby about it, but he always avoid this issue. Telling me sex is the last thing on his mind as he is tired and even LAZY to do it. I wonder if its me who is turning him off as i breastfeed my baby - I know guys do get turn off by the sight of breast feeding, so i am trying to switch to formula milk for baby instead. I blamed myself for being not attractive and sexy enough and got really very depressed.

I have also observed that Hubby do not DIY. I did question him, but get brushed off again. Lately, i found some porn clips on his com. I do not understand why is it that he refused to touch me. Last night, i put aside my pride and again initiate a session. I performed a BJ for him but all he did was sit back and closed his eyes and there was simply no expression on his face. I stopped and he just went to bed. I cried myself to sleep again last night. Where were all the passion that we once shared? I felt very humilated.

My hubby has been very responsible and caring. He showers his love to me and i know there is no third party involved as he "report" to me all the time. I trust him well and know he will never betray me.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

seriously i feel sorry for you..

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Did your hubby watch you in the delivery proccess as I
ve known of guy who got turn off by the sight and couldn't make love with his wife again.:eek:

Was he unwilling to settle down back then but gave in as you're pregnant due to obligation. If that's the case then, he's no longer in love with you but doing what he's doing now(obligations).:(

I feel the best solution will be to get help from marriage council.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

hi gal, maybe he's stress out at work.. or having ED and yet to tell u about it... might be many many reasons for him to do that.. as bro thomas88 said, he's turned off by the sight of child birth. and please do continue to breastfeed the baby, they need it more than anything else. or just try to feed baby elsewhere away from him?

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Can understand the frustrations and worries you are going through now.There is definitely something that is bothering him,maybe even some serious issues.

A marriage without bonding is kind of terrible.No communications,love and understanding will lead to a bad ending.Glad you know it early and trying to salvage the situation.

If he is totally not interested in having sex with you or even touching you yet he is watching porn,as a man I will feel that he has lost the interests in doing it with you.Maybe you could try initiate by watching porn together with him and while watching together try some sexy talk or actions on him to get started.Try to find a private moment without the baby around.Hopefully it can help kickstart his interest in sex again.

Another thing could be due to the reason that he was not mentally prepared to be married but because you were pregnant he had no choice.Could it be due to this reason also?As you stated before marriage,you both like to have thrills etc.Maybe you can again try initiate the thrills again for him.

Hope it make sense and help you on the road to recovery.:)

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Very sorry to learn of this.
I agree with thomas88 with regards to seeing the ops.. eerrr....
However, we have never met your hubby so its not fair for us to make judgement.
Maybe you can try looking at his porn stuff, you can try imitating what's happen in there. it should arouse him and porn usually is a form of living ones fantasy...:p

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Dunno whether is the TS asking for advice, because nothing mention.

maybe it is the begining of a story.....

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Hi

Very sorry to learn of this case you are having now, hope you will find happyness in due course of your life soon.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Damn we should exchange partners, cos my oc also bring PSP to bed and play until she fall asleep...always leaving me high and dry...i think she gets her orgasm playing from the game then making love with me...

Damn monster Frankie gets beaten to it by a PSP...:(:(:(

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

hi fade, sad to hear this. Try to find some time having a good chat and show concern with your hubby, like how his works and is he too stress at work.
If possible, arrange a short trip with your hubby so that you and your hubby can have some private time. As for your baby, you can ask your in-laws or your parents to take care temporarily.

hope this will work out for you. http://www.sammyboyforum.com/images/smilies/smile.gif
:)

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

dont mind i be very frank..just watch carefully what ur guy doing

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Thanks guys for all the kind words. Nope.. i am not writing a story here but seeking a place to voice out my fustrations and sadness. This is possibly be the best place to ask for advice and hear the "truth" with majority of the guys here married? Correct me if i am wrong. I am assuming.

Well, my hubby did not witness the birth of our baby as i gave birth via C-Sect. When he saw our baby, she is already nicely cleaned and wrapped up. So no bloody and gruesome sights. Sometimes if I happened to passby the com and saw him watching porn, i will purposely stop by and ask, " Oh what is that lady doing to that man???" then will pretend to be very interested. However, most of the time, its me who gets bored after watching for 10 mins or so as i begin to recall the past and how sad it is that we are unable to ignite the passion again.

I am feeling very helpless now. I told my hubby that i will never initiate ML ever again until he is ready to take the initiative. Guys, is it possible for a man not to masturbathe at all for many many months? When i perform BJ for my hubby, he had no problem with getting a hard on, but seems like he is not producing much semen as well.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

-i seriously think its the stress thats making him really tired.
- i'm not sure how old your baby would be now but maybe a relative could baby sit? Store some of the breastmilk in the fridge.
-plan a getaway and not try and force the sex to happen.


-maybe you could let him "catch you" touching yourself, and tell him that you decided to give yourself pleasure because you havent felt like that in awhile.
-then he'll realise he's neglecting you.
-slowly he might adjust and feel the turn on.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Sister Fade, I read your posting... Can I suggest you bonk him (get him hard on and ride him or whatever) instead of waiting for him. If this dun work invite me to bonk you infront of him... maybe this will work out.:D:D

In any case, looking forward to your next installment.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Your only recourse at the moment is counselling. I hope this will work.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

That the problem with us men.We tend to take for granted our spouse.Before marriage always loving,after marriage/child birth it starts going downhill for majority.It begin to get kind of monotonous and we begin to lose interest.

We always look at other people wife as desirable and likewise others will look at our wife with desire.Maybe should start a club,haha.:)

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

that crap excuse i have seen two wives given birth and have never been turned off sex with them...in fact for my second oc i simply couldn't keep my hands off her when she was pregnant because some how i found her to be sexier not that she isn't in the first place...

well take heart gal, u are not the only one going thru such problems, we guys also faced similar problems with our oc....but honestly i really dun believe a man can go for months without releasing...

i dun think there is any relationship btwn the volume of sperm and the sex drive..

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Hi fade. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Especially so early on in your marriage. I am in the same situation as you - my wifey has not interest in sex at all, and really never has (we have been married many years). Like your hubby seems to love you, my wife loves me, but the physical side of love is missing.

To me, and I think to you too, the physical side of love is just as important as the emotional side - we need to make love with our partners to feel that our loving relationship is complete. besides that, making love is fun obviously and most of us enjoy it!!!

Sadly, we all have different levels of libido (sex drive) and for most couples, one has a higher sex drive than the other. Unless we live together for a long time, we don't find this out until after we are married.

In your case your hubby has stopped having sex totally with you, which sounds more than just a difference in sex drive levels. To me, this could be due to one of two reasons:

1. He is highly stressed and therefore has no desire for sex (when I am highly stressed it kills my normally high libido)

2. He is having an affair.

I know that you are certain that he is not having an affair, and the last thing that you would wish to hear, especially so soon after marriage is this, but believe me, some guys can be very good at hiding such things.

From what you say it may just be that he does have a low sex drive and the whole deal with you becoming pregnant, giving birth and now bringing up your little girl is too much for him sexually.

Communications is always the best thing in these situations. I know that you have tried talking with him about it but it may be best to try and get him to come along and see a counsellor.

I really hope that you can find an answer - I know what it is like living in a sexless marriage, even when your spouse does love you.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

hi fade..i think i can give u the best answer..becoz i am in similar situation as ur husband and u but maybe not 100%..i was kindoff force into marriage becoz of shot gun...so i no choice...then i never ml for so long until child born..then i saw the blood, the baby coming out...everything..sewing back the vagina etc...quite yuakksss...

then after that a bit turn off alreadi...months later it took me quite hard to screw my wife..becoz of the image still in my mind..but later on... i feel..nothing much different in the dark...

but...if u naked now...i think there is scar or other different things on ur belly or the area near it rite?.. i dun blame u or any woman for it..but to "me" ( i dunno other bros here) ...is kind of like different product from original..

also , can i ask how heavy are u?..becoz my wife also put on weight but still consider slim compare to other milf...but alreadi put on weight..not like last time..slim, thin, light, etc...so the interest is a bit gone alrreadi.....

so for me..i do ml with her becoz i duwan her to need it n find outside...but not so often...last time dating, everyweek stay over my place,..sure bonk...now maybe 1 every week or twice a week...i rather pcc thinkin of other woman etc..more sexciting...

else..i go out wack other girl who are frens... or pay money for massage etc.. this is the truth...

ur hubby may report to u every min..but he onli need the few seconds to release...so it is still possible...also..please think this analogy which i always tell my frens..." if all ur relative, father, brother etc dun go geylang n find chicken..then where do the crowd come from?"

my long story may hurts u...but we can share n discuss...

lastly...i did bonk my fren who now is ppl wife n give birth to 1 child...n i enjoy it so much...becoz the excitement is there..

pls dun zap me..i juz trying to share

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

I do agree to some extend on what jomblo said.

But I find it rare and hard to believe that a man will not advance to a woman when she do a bj to you. I always believe a man is horny by nature unless he is ED or no longer has any feeling.

In fact, I like breast feeding woman as I find her breasts will be damn sweet.

As a man, I can understand what your husband is thinking as I can't wait to ml to my wife after she has given birth... For me, it is the other way around...

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

one other possibility is......could he be gay? :eek:

end of the day fade, it is for you and your hubby to trash it out and find out what is the actual reason why he does not seems keen to make love to you...all the advice we gave here are just purely speculative...

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

It is possible that your hubby is under some kind of stress. Could be disease or work stress.

1) seek help asap, dont drag. The longer you drag over this problem, the more painful it will be later.

2) Get marriage counselling.

3) Talk to your hubby, ask him what is the problem. Remind him that a marriage is between 2 person, and both of you got to get the act together. Both of you are facing a huge problem, and that could affect your child too.


Hope this helps. End of the day, brothers here can only advise, you need to do the act yourself.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Go fo a honeymoon oversea and see what the result?

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

My Lady,

If stress is not bothering your hubby, 90% he has lost interest in you.
Could be due to some misunderstanding between u and him. Or he has found
someone whom have capture his heart.

If he used to cum alot, but now not able to... He must have DIY til no more,
or fired off somewhere... He may be gay for all we know, or Bi-sexual, can't
say anything more since I dun know him.

But go seek professional help, if not, you may have to live with it, just focus
to bring up your kid, if u need love, look for a soulmate and this may just
compensate your feel and needs.

Many would say I am teaching u the bad. But it may also help you balance
your emotional and sexual needs. So when you get home, even when he does
not have interest in you, your main focus is your child. If he finds the
interest back with you, its up to you to decide if you still needs your soulmate
or not.

Best of both worlds, but be careful on selecting soulmates... dun get into
sticky situations... For now, please concentrate on your child... You may
also be suffering from post-delivery stress, seek help from your doc first, let
them access your condition. PM me if u wanna chat.

Hope things goes back normal for ya.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Dear Sis,

monitor his movement... not that u dun trust him... but hv to monitor...
U never know what ur loved one actually can do behind ur back..... ( u know what i mean )

Sorry if i hv been too direct or maybe is wrong.. and of course I hope I'm wrong too.

jus quote u my case, my ex started to know a young gal through msn when my child is jus one mth old.... affair started...and in the end.. sorry... is "d" .

Of course not every guy are the same.. however, if u hv make the 1st move, yet he is not very "interested" ... is not right ...

Hope everything goes fine with u. take care! and don't stress too much .. you still hv a child to take care .

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

try having a heart to heart talk with him..let him knows how u feel and the importance of making love, its not only pleasure..but also creating love and bonding, closeness.. :) all the best

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

TOTALLY agreed.. " don't stress too much .. you still hv a child to take care "

I suggest you and him go for a nice holiday and perform some stunt on him.. This will help provide some spark yah!

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Hi Fade,

I think that your hubby is going through some transition period whereby he is getting unusally high life changing stress. I married my wife and 1 year later have a bb, yet it is still a life changing experience with having a baby and being a father so maybe he is not yet ready to take up the responsibilities and feels too stressed to consider sex. Anyway, you need to let him know that you are there for him and everything can be solved together. Just my point of view.

Re: Sex Life after Marriage
 

Well, agreed. Anyway divorce is very common nowadays, so is adultery. Really you cannot take it too hard but u must clarify your doubts. We all got a long way to go so dun be crumbled by one setback in life if there is any. Meanwhile try to find out why and save the situation first.